Ok, seriously, what is wrong with me? I was going great guns, as my high school friend Bess used to say, and suddenly my train derailed right off the track and into a convenience store filled with lovely Cheetos, crunchy Fritos and even a Rice Krispie treat or two. Why is it that once you stray, you can never find your way back? I should have left a breadcrumb trail, but I inhaled every last morsel. What am I, the Tiger Woods of diets. Not just one fling, not just one mistress... I have fourteen over a multi-year period. It's pathetic.
So, we went on a road trip to see family in Iowa and of course, I veered. Someone once said (or posted on Facebook) that getting a salad from McDonald's is like paying a hooker for a hug. So, I don't do it. Therefore that weekend turned to crap. But, I didn't care. I firmly believe that calories don't count when consumed outside your state of residence. But, when I got back, I never got back on the treadmill. I have yet to pour myself a glass of water and what's worse... I think I am actually eating more!!!
The downside to having Mark here it that I am not totally swamped with kid crap. Don't get me wrong, that is the upside to having him here too, but I find myself snacking. I never snack. When it is just me and the kids there isn't time. I would wait til dinner and gorge myself (not an approved eating method either) but now I feel like I am eating all day long. I have time to sit on the couch and eat bon bons. Ok, I don't have bon bons, but I have found that trail mix makes a fine substitute. Some in the alcohol addiction world would say that identifying the problem is the first step, but who is going to put a gun to my head and make me take the others? Because right now I can see that needs to be done, but I can't get my ass off the couch to do it. HELP!
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Dude, Where's My Car?
Food Journal:
Breakfast: Half a peanut butter and jelly on whole wheat bread. At least, Mark said there was PB&J, I couldn't really taste it. Apparently he was trying to rally from this incident the day before.
Lunch: Two slices of sausage and pepperoni pizza and carrot sticks.
Snack: Grapes.
Snack Number 2: Oops. 100 calorie snack bag of chocolate chip cookies.
Dinner: Tiny amount of soup bowl stuffed cabbage. Totally healthy dinner, but so damn spicy I couldn't eat it, so tiny portion due to burnt taste buds not self control. Followed with one slice of whole wheat bread and peanut butter smear. This smear smeared by me, so I could actually taste it.
Snack: Small Choco Cherry Love Blizzard from Dairy Queen. Double oops. But.... could have been worse, and was a special occasion blizzard (or so I justify to myself).
Exercise Journal:
30 minutes on Professional Trainer Setting 1 on my treadmill.
Dude, Where's My Car?
So, as I mentioned above, I treadmilled yesterday. It was my first time, and I don't really know how to work the buttons. Lots of up and down arrows, lots of red dots in lines and lots of number point number displays. What are we upping and downing? What are we dotting? And what point what means what??? So, at first, I did about 10 minutes of walking at a decent pace on a flat surface. Then I found the program settings.
Woo hoo! Program 1. I walk for a couple more minutes flat and even... then BAM! I was run-ning. (I want to type that like Forest Gump says it, but that is hard to do). DOWN ARROW! DOWN ARROW! Ok, swift pace, walking flat. Feeling the burn a little. Mostly proud that this exercise deal is not that tough. Suddenly I feel like I am flying. Wait.... I am not flying... I am suddenly raising up in the air. I am not walking flat anymore, I am walking up a slight hill. AHHHHHH!!! RUNNING AGAIN!!!! DOWN ARROW!!!! DOWN ARROW!!!! Ok, walking at a swift pace up a slight hill. Again, not too bad. In fact, able to hold a telephone conversation while walking up the... MOUNTAIN! I AM NOW CLIMBING FREAKING PIKE'S PEAK!!! Suddenly Mt. KillaLYNNjaro has appeared in my bedroom. AND I AM RUNNING UP IT! DOWN ARROW!!! DOWN ARROW!!!! Ok... brisk walk up steep hill. Sweating now. Breathing is harder now. Phone conversation much harder now. Watching the clock for my thirty minutes to be up much closer now. And, then I'm done.
Work out number one, check. Heart still beating, check. Lungs still functioning, check. Legs turned to jelly, check. Next time I need to climb a mountain, I'm bringing my car! CHECK!
Breakfast: Half a peanut butter and jelly on whole wheat bread. At least, Mark said there was PB&J, I couldn't really taste it. Apparently he was trying to rally from this incident the day before.
Lunch: Two slices of sausage and pepperoni pizza and carrot sticks.
Snack: Grapes.
Snack Number 2: Oops. 100 calorie snack bag of chocolate chip cookies.
Dinner: Tiny amount of soup bowl stuffed cabbage. Totally healthy dinner, but so damn spicy I couldn't eat it, so tiny portion due to burnt taste buds not self control. Followed with one slice of whole wheat bread and peanut butter smear. This smear smeared by me, so I could actually taste it.
Snack: Small Choco Cherry Love Blizzard from Dairy Queen. Double oops. But.... could have been worse, and was a special occasion blizzard (or so I justify to myself).
Exercise Journal:
30 minutes on Professional Trainer Setting 1 on my treadmill.
Dude, Where's My Car?
So, as I mentioned above, I treadmilled yesterday. It was my first time, and I don't really know how to work the buttons. Lots of up and down arrows, lots of red dots in lines and lots of number point number displays. What are we upping and downing? What are we dotting? And what point what means what??? So, at first, I did about 10 minutes of walking at a decent pace on a flat surface. Then I found the program settings.
Woo hoo! Program 1. I walk for a couple more minutes flat and even... then BAM! I was run-ning. (I want to type that like Forest Gump says it, but that is hard to do). DOWN ARROW! DOWN ARROW! Ok, swift pace, walking flat. Feeling the burn a little. Mostly proud that this exercise deal is not that tough. Suddenly I feel like I am flying. Wait.... I am not flying... I am suddenly raising up in the air. I am not walking flat anymore, I am walking up a slight hill. AHHHHHH!!! RUNNING AGAIN!!!! DOWN ARROW!!!! DOWN ARROW!!!! Ok, walking at a swift pace up a slight hill. Again, not too bad. In fact, able to hold a telephone conversation while walking up the... MOUNTAIN! I AM NOW CLIMBING FREAKING PIKE'S PEAK!!! Suddenly Mt. KillaLYNNjaro has appeared in my bedroom. AND I AM RUNNING UP IT! DOWN ARROW!!! DOWN ARROW!!!! Ok... brisk walk up steep hill. Sweating now. Breathing is harder now. Phone conversation much harder now. Watching the clock for my thirty minutes to be up much closer now. And, then I'm done.
Work out number one, check. Heart still beating, check. Lungs still functioning, check. Legs turned to jelly, check. Next time I need to climb a mountain, I'm bringing my car! CHECK!
Monday, May 3, 2010
Same Fat Size... Same Fat Diet...
OMG! I haven't written or dieted since... well... MONTHS ago. I gave up and I gave up good. I stopped any and all moratoriums on junk and just went for it. You know that saying "go big or go home?" Well, I am big and I am at home. But, here is the good news. Mark lost his job! I know, how is that good news? Well, in this case yes... because we are going to be too broke to be fat!
There is a Chris Rock comedy sketch where he talks about how America is the only country in the world that gets to be fat. Other countries are too poor for it! They are lucky to be able to afford some rice and a bean or two. We can afford two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame bun. Plus fries and a coke. Yum. But, not my family of five. It is time to tighten our belts, both our figurative belt on our budget and our literal belts on our waists.
No more late night Taco Bell runs. No more "I don't want to cook our grilled chicken so let's have Fazoli's heart attack inducing ravioli and coronary bi pass bread sticks." And, most of all... no more ice cream pints just because it was a bad day, or just because I am sick, or just because it's Tuesday. When I go out with the girls I will eat at home first! When I pick Will up from school, we will eat at home not Sonic drive thru. A play place will go back to being an outdoor playground, instead of a plastic germ farm attached to a fat food shack. And yes, I realize that I put fat food and not fast.
So, today is the first day of the rest of my impoverished life. Sure, Mark will be employed again some day. SOON! I hope! Please! But, this is a lesson learned regardless. The money we spend on food is insane and our clothing size is equally worrisome. Weigh in number one will be on Monday, and without extra dough for cookie dough, it ought to go well. After all, what better reason is there to diet but poverty!?!?!
There is a Chris Rock comedy sketch where he talks about how America is the only country in the world that gets to be fat. Other countries are too poor for it! They are lucky to be able to afford some rice and a bean or two. We can afford two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame bun. Plus fries and a coke. Yum. But, not my family of five. It is time to tighten our belts, both our figurative belt on our budget and our literal belts on our waists.
No more late night Taco Bell runs. No more "I don't want to cook our grilled chicken so let's have Fazoli's heart attack inducing ravioli and coronary bi pass bread sticks." And, most of all... no more ice cream pints just because it was a bad day, or just because I am sick, or just because it's Tuesday. When I go out with the girls I will eat at home first! When I pick Will up from school, we will eat at home not Sonic drive thru. A play place will go back to being an outdoor playground, instead of a plastic germ farm attached to a fat food shack. And yes, I realize that I put fat food and not fast.
So, today is the first day of the rest of my impoverished life. Sure, Mark will be employed again some day. SOON! I hope! Please! But, this is a lesson learned regardless. The money we spend on food is insane and our clothing size is equally worrisome. Weigh in number one will be on Monday, and without extra dough for cookie dough, it ought to go well. After all, what better reason is there to diet but poverty!?!?!
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